My Life and Times

SO it has been one of those days
maybe weeks
I dont know
so much to do
very busy
I am tired
stressed
and so on
just wanted to say hi
starting to stress about next week
I am hoping that it is better

I want to say Happy Birthday to my only brother in law. I wish you Clint a wonderful day.

why am I up so late

I will tell you why
Bridal shower invites
my hand hurts
I have to run out and buy more
I bought 40
that wasnt enough
go figure
I dont have enough return address labels either
go figure
well off to bed
since I have to get things for the shower
plus Adia's party this weekend

so it is late at night I have been busy.. what else is new though.. I am finally done with school untill the fall. well I have to go and start my research project and also start doing things for the association but that is it.. I have been working about 2 times a week for the red cross which is nice.. I like having some extra money and also getting out there doing something for myself but I am also teaching people to save lives..
The girls have been alrigth could be better but could be worse you know.. ever since we had those people come in and talk to malena she hasnt had a fit or anything.. she's wanted too but hasnt.. Sabrina is taking more on by herself.. She is actually helping me when I am busy even with dirty diapers.. I am surprised since I never asked her to do that..
Steven is busy with work. I dont see him much and we talk once in a while. HE is getting a new schedule. we need something though..
So lets go back to almost a year ago. I was having dreams well they are back.. and more intense.. I dont know what to think about them so I am putting them in the back of my mind. There isnt really anything else I can do you know. I dont have time for it right now..
I feel bad that I havent sent out my sister's showers invites yet. I should be done and mailed out.. I will get to them in the morning.. thats all i can say. I know she is ok about it but I am not. One of those kinds of things.. I also have to get stuff for Adia's bday party on Sunday.. I havent even started yet.. man oh man.. I thought that i would have some time to relax.. we are going to NC in a week in a half.. to see my sister.. I cant wait.. and then i get to see her at them end of the month too... wow I dont know if I can handle that either.. Steven has to work that whole week when hershower is but hopefully by then we have the second car.. maybe he can have some relaxation with out us..
well i gotta shower and get to bed.. I might do my hair tomorrow since i havent been doing it lately with it being summer.. I am also going back to my workout hopefully tomorrow.. i work tomorrow night but dont have anything during the day but shopping and Nikki's invites hopefully the kids will be good.. and help out..

I am in the mood that everyone sucks
I am in a bad mood
I am in a shity mood
I am in the crying mood
Now I am on my way to work

My weekend was long
school ends this week
I have albany this weekend
I hope and worry that I am not going to be able to do it
if I only had more time
I dont get it
I was working on my class project with my group
they told me that my house was dirty
you know how much that hurt
I had tears in my eyes
it hurts lot
I dont understand
I know I am not perfect
I am now in a bad mood
I am frustrated
I am hurt
I am sad
I am stressed
I am scared
I am angry
I am I am

I decided to write something else too
have you ever missed something or someone
you just sit and think
wonder
you dont act since there is no point
but you wonder
you think and try to picture
you want to ask questions
but there is no one there
maybe you have a picture
or even a memory
it makes you smile
yet it makes you sad
WHY?
comes to mind
thats all you can say
yet noone can answer
pondering about the past
the present
and then future
wondering will I even see this thing again
will I ever have this memory again
could I have it
It is a free memory
with smiles and joy
yet I sit here
writing this
so the odds are
no it is the past
it is gone




you dont have to ask.. dont worry I am ok.. well I am what I normally am

school is killing me
working is bugging too
I dont know where I am going to fine the time
and then my family too
they are important
worked tonight
school during the day
work tomorrow night school during the day
and then school on wednesday
but no work
stuff aroudn the house
school work too
MAN OH MAN

So I sit here trying to think of everything I need to do..
There is alot of stuff
I cant find my title to my car either
that makes me made since
I need to give it to my dad
I wish I could find it
I found something else that I was looking for though
so I guess that is a plus
I was at CPSE meetings all morning
I am there tomorrow too
Maureen comes up tomorrow too
got the party on Saturday
Steven is off all weeekend
Tomorrow is his last day at the store and then he moves on
I want to go for a walk but no one wants to go with me
I miss Marky...
He would of went with me
I cant wait for him to come back here for a little bit

So I sit here right before I get Adia from school
wondering what is going on
I am starting to stress alittle about school
I also got my work schedule for the red cross too
I have classes with me alone
I dont know what the hell I am going to do
I am waiting to hear about the job I applied for
I would really really want to get it
It would be very nice
I walked about 4 miles with steven today
which was cool
we went to the park
I am looking forward in having Momo up here this weekend
I am looking forward for school
I am scared and stressed about school
I am so HAPPY ABOUT my 4.0
Thanks for everyone being there
I am off to get my daughter

can I say I hate bills
I hate things that come at you when you dont even rememberit
I hate this
I am trying to take care of things then this
it frustrates me so much
I dont get it
I feel that no one will let me get a head
I am SO Piss
Frustrated
DOWN
but what can you do
I will figure out something

So mothers day is here and gone
had a good day
helped malena with a project for school
Marky did alot of it
thanks to him
He is great
I went out to dinner
with Steven, Sabrina, Malena, Adia and Marky
My family here is the Blo
Road house of course
my kids even got me a YEHA
ice cream and all
they are so cute
I got breakfast in bed
I did some house work
church of course
so that was my day
not to bad
the kids were great
that was the best present
Now it is going to be a busy week
I dont know what I am going to do
I have school on thursday
I hope i do well on the test
it is a BIG thing

Just wanted to wish all the mothers out there.. or acting mothers happy MOthers day to you

So it has been a weird day
I got my grade from my last test in AP
it was a 84
that means I have to get a 90 or higher on the last test to
keep
yes I will say my 4.0
I got my grades back from Buffalo State
and i got As in all my classes
now I have to see what I get in AP to see if it will stay that way


I am so frustrate
I feel so misunderstood
I feel like I am alone
with tons of people around me
I feel that no one in this house knows how I feel
that it is ok to disrespect
to frustrate
to laugh at someone
I dont get it
but oh well it happens
lets see how tomorrow goes

this is be quick..
but i havce to say
i cant stand being left out of things
when i think they somewhat relate to me
or affect me
this is so stupid
I am trying to get things organized
yet no one will let me
I have things coming from me at all ways
I have people not communicating with me
they use too
but what are you going to do
right
i cant do anything
i try to keep in touch with people
thank goodness I have some people
that respect me
my family
and so on
I just dont get it
it does make me mad
it makes me when I am not listen too
not if someone doesnt take what I say and do it
but respected in other words
or when i try to help someone with something
how can i when they dont give me the information
I dont understand
maybe I never will

I sit here with less then 7 hours till my final
am I asleep
I cant stand this
so much in my mind
I am going crazy
lots of thoughts
they wont stop
The Red Cross was fun tonight
I like what I am doing
hopefully it works out
and I go further
School is coming to an end
busy with that
almost done
I have 2 test tomorrow
I will be on soon

OH I want to give a shout out to Nikki
GREAT JOB ON YOUR CLASS
You go with your bad self

So it is the last day of April
Here is to the next month
lats of happiness I hope
Hung around the house today
played outside
My bro and I kicked butt in Basketball
had some clams
chilled
went for a bike ride
and now I have to start getting ready for my finals
which are this week
Hung out with the kids
that was fun too

we were suppose to go out last night
but didnt
I feel asleep early
and when Jackie came to sit for us
Steven wasnt in the mood either
I wish he would of told jackie that before she came though
I felt bad since she had her kid too
but seemed alright with it though

So now I am here trying not to stress about finals
trying to take the 3 tests this week

well till later

weird
You know even when you are trained in something.. when the time comes to use it.. it can be very scary...

After dropping Sarbina off at school I was coming home and there was a guy on the ground.. I think he fell off the recycle truck.. I pulled my car to a safe place since I had Adia and Malena in it.. I started heading over.. Soon after the fire chief came since he lives right around the corner..

Its not a big deal but its scary to have to think about everything I have been trained for and preparing myself to use it. I guess thats why I learned it but also teach it.. But still I rather be prepared then have to use it..

Just wanted to drop a hello
I am been so busy though
school
kids
work
training
organizing
and so on
I dont even know where to start
I will figure it all out soon
once I get organize
finals are next week
I took one Monday
that wasnt bad though
so lets see how things go for the rest
well I will be back on another time
soon I hope